A LITTLE STRESSED

Frayed Rope about to Break

Feeling a little like the rope is about to break. Yesterday we took Nancy to have some tests run on her electronics and overall structure to make sure everything was squared away before we got on the road.

Yesterday they came back and told us our fridge may need replacing, we would need a new propane tank (one that is made for horizontal spaces and not your average vertical propane tank that you can buy from a gas station) and a few other things that may have pushed our budget over but, hey, no sweat.

Today they called Gregg to tell him we have gas leaks (which they are fixing), and that we probably have structure damage which is why Nancy leans to one side and the door scrapes the siding when we open it on the drivers side. They said to know for sure they would have to take it completely apart which would cost more than Nancy is even worth. ūüė¶ WHAT THE HELL. So not such minor news. We thought she was leaning due to a deflated air bag under the carriage of the RV but we were so wrong.

I haven’t been able to think about anything else since lunch. I asked Gregg if he thought we are going to have to sell it and call off the trip but he says no. Not for now. Honestly I hate fear so I am trying to keep my heart and hopes open. I am trusting that everything is okay. and if not, well then life is only teaching me what I need to learn, now. I am going to be super bummed if we can’t take Nancy on the road. We are waiting to hear back from an RV guru in the RV community named Teeka. Praying she has some reassuring news. I can’t really talk to anyone about this yet so Im letting some steam off here. Will keep you posted on the updates.

“I trust that life is happening for me and not to me.”

Р My  mantra as of right now

LOVE AND TRUST

Rainy Monday

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I haven’t written here in a while. My creativity comes in waves and lately it hasn’t come out in the form of writing. However, I am feeling the need to keep a documentation of the next month and coming year, so here I am. It is a rainy Monday. It has rained the past two days, and it is suppose to rain for the rest of the week. The rain matches the feel for this time of year to me, so Im okay with it. Forever a spring and summer baby but for some reason this winter seems a little different.

I romanticize everything, including this moment. Right now I’m soaking up all the rainy vibes while I drink chai tea and eat chia seed pudding.

Gregg and I bought an Rv not long ago and finally came up with a name, Nancy. No one knows yet except my jobs, close friends, and of course family. Gregg is waiting closer to time so that everything flows smoothly. Today marks one month before we have to be completely moved out of the house so the renters can move in. OMG. I have definitely  been romanticizing living in Nancy. It is going to be great to see so many places and have so many adventures, but I have this feeling I am going to quickly realize just how blessed I have been.

Gregg and I are going from a three bedroom house with lots of space for the dogs and cat to a 21 foot Rv. I know that this is going to make me face a lot of my greatest fears including dying in a car wreck. Because I am basically going to living on the road I will have to face this fear close to everyday. So living in Nancy I’m sure will loose its romantic appeal quickly. Im most worried about the dogs tagging along. They are use to having space to run whenever the want. We will have to purposefully set aside time to let the roam freely while not being in danger of running off of a cliff or getting eaten by a wild animal. Its also going to be a serious pain to have to put them on a leash every time we need to take the to the restroom. We usually just open the back door and let them back in a few minutes later. When it is freezing cold at two in the morning, the last thing I am going to want to do is take them walking in a Wal-Mart parking lot to go poop. But, sacrifices must be made!

Gregg and I keep asking each other if we are crazy. We acknowledge that we are and move on.

I know one day we will look back and this will be something we never forget, so we are going for it.

I read recently “If it scares you, then you are moving closer to the truth.” This has been my mantra as of late because I AM SCARED.

But fear is not our truth, so I chose love over fear.

“Be bold and mighty forces will to your aid.”

Be bold my and always follow your heart.

LOVE AND RAINY MONDAYS

 

CREATING PEACE

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The first step to creating peace is understanding, self love, and love for Spirit. Understanding how love, karma, conditioning, the ego, the soul, and surrender work are all lessons we must learn if we want peace in our everyday life. Learning to see how the mind works and how the ego feeds off the mind. My favorite way the mind is described is called “the monkey mind”. Its like a hungry monkey swinging from tree to tree if we do not feed it, it will not stop. I recommend feeding the monkey mind objects of substance. Reading sacred texts, engaging in meaningful conversation, positive music, movies with moral lessons, spending less time on social media and watching the news, spending time outside, mediating on the heart, etc. Filtering what we let into our minds is one way to create peace while learning at the same time. Learning about karma and how we can create a more peaceful future with every action we choose. Replacing bad habits with those that move us forward in a positive direction we want. We are prone to addiction so for every negative behavior we engage in, the more likely we will choose to take part in that behavior again. Just so, every time we replace a bad habit with a good one, the more likely we are to make the right choice again. Taking the time to make your life sacred is a good way to ensure making the right choices is more easy for us the next time. For example; when I wake up in the morning I make myself hot lemon water, go to my altar to do my puja and mediation, followed by about an hour of asana. When I start my day off this way I am making my morning sacred. I am more likely to choose healthy activities, thoughts, and exchanges throughout the rest of my day than if I were to have rushed out the door without settling my mind and hurried off into the day. Next is learning to create peace by surrender. Surrender is usually associated with giving up or accepting defeat. In this case surrender is being used as a term to explain a yogis surrender to the flow. Accepting that God’s plan is greater than my own or your understanding. Surrender is accepting that the world was not made as I want it to be always and my way is not always best. Peace can be had when we truly trust that e v e r y t h i n g, the good and the bad, are happening for our benefit. Usually in life we can look back over the years and see how everything fits together like a puzzle. Its with this broad vision that we can see everything in divine order. We only are unsettled when we have narrow vision associated with poor pitiful me playing the victim. Seeing our lives as they unfold, not understanding why things are happening is normal. Thats when surrender comes in. Saying okay universe, I trust that this happening for the best and I accept things as they are. This type of attitude is necessary for peace even during the most mundane activities such as driving, working, doing chores, going to the grocery, walking your dogs, or hanging out with family and friends; to the more emotional times in life such as pregnancy, marriage, death, betrayal, abuse, etc! Peace is created when we can learn to love ourselves ¬†and our lives as they are. Then only can we begin to make changes from a place of trust that allow for greater outcomes! These are just a few ways I have created peace in my life and I hope they help you with cultivating peace inside yourself! What are some ways you create peace in you everyday life?? Comment above.

 

LOVE and PEACE

 

 

 

THE PROBLEM WITH THIS LOVE STORY : PART 1

  

The problem with promoting a love story so profound, is that it requires you to change your entire life. The problem with telling people about this love who do not know it, is that by default, is telling them they are wrong. By telling someone else how they are and have been living their life is dangerous, wrong, and mislead and ultimately going to kill everyone and everything.

The problem with this love is that it requires us to shed who we once were. To shed what is comfortable. To question what we have been taught and to open our eyes and hearts. It isn’t easy but is worth it. 

The problem with this love is that it requires action. The problem with this love is that no one is innocent. The problem with this love is that there is no them. The problem with this love is that there will still be suffering. The problem with this love is that we have yet to comprehend how big it really is. 

The problem with this love is that it is messy just like humans. The problem with this love it is not ours to own. The problem with this love is that it will break your heart. The problem with this love is that there is no problem. 

-a 

THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE

  

Meditate on your heart. 

Go inward to the silence.

 The vortex that sucks you into the abyss. I went once. 

To my dislike, my shock at where I was returned me here.

That one moment was enough.

 We will always be searching for the answers. 

Once we think we have found the answers we will always be searching for reassurance of that answer. 

But once you become the answer, then your whole world is anew. You no longer second guess what you have already known. 

Be confident in your secret.

Wear it on your sleeve and in the twinkle of your eye.

Be the change.

Be the reassurance another may need, until they too have found that place.

Don’t be scared to slip into those silence spaces between the breath and heart beat. 

Because it may just set you free. 

-a

LIVE AND LET LIVE

  

  

Death comes and takes over a body. It’s almost as if you could see a soul you would imagine it whisping away in the air through being released from what once was the vessel that held it. Strange how fragile something seems until it is dead. Then we see it for what it really is, just a bunch of flesh and bones strung together. Life itself is so precious that we very rarely open up ourselves enough to see just how fragile it really is, and how quick we are to take it. Not once considering if it is ours to take. 

Friday night I am awakened by a panicked licking.Miles( our male Irish terrier) standing nearby watching Arya ( our female Irish terrier who is due to have her puppies any day now) is licking something by the bedroom door. I immediately think she has gone into labor and she is cleaning a puppy. However, it is a bag of chicken my mom had cooked for dinner – Gregg had brought some home for leftovers, that should have been in the fridge. We return to bed. As I’m almost fallen back asleep, I hear a loud squawking and shuffling from outside. It was coming from KC( our chicken)’s coop. This time it’s no false alarm. We run outside.There is a possum in her nesting box with a mouth full of what appears to be KC. I just knew he had ripped her throat out and killed her. Her feathers are every where but we can’t seem to find her. We are left with the option to let the possum go or kill it. My first choice and instinct is to let it go, absolutely. I know however, that if it came to kill her once, it would return. While Gregg went inside to get a gun, I talked to the possum and told it that it had picked the wrong coop to come raid, apologized, had a moment with it, and then it was over.
After disposing of the body, we let the dogs out to help search for KC. Out she came from behind a pine tree limb that had fallen on the ground just large enough to hide her body. She was flustered but unharmed. I then learned that chickens or birds in general, shed their feathers as a defense mechanism similar to a lizard losing their tails!Predators are more likely to grab the fluffy areas of the chickens body, not knowing that they have the capability of shedding their feathers. 
Anyway, it wasn’t an easy decision to have to kill the possum , but it seemed to be the only choice if we were to protect our backyard. I can only imagine what it will be like to have a farm. Life is so fragile. I think it’s necessary that we go through the process of conscious killing if we must kill. Facing the fact that we are choosing to end something’s life and why we chose that. Most times we open ourselves up through this process before killing if we give it the attention it truly needs. Realizing we are taking something’s breath and heart beat away- thinking about this prior to killing allows us to become sensitive to life. Then taking a life, no matter what it is- becomes less easy  and less likely to be the first choice. We can see that this living breathing thing is here with us. Maybe this time we make a different choice and chose life. Because who really likes death? Maybe one day nothing will die in vain. Or maybe nothing dies in vain now , but it is just my perspective that is fooling me. Regardless, I am learning to appreciate life more by caring for all of my animals. I am also learning how to open myself up to what really is regardless of how uncomfortable it may make me feel. 

                            LOVE and LIFE
    

ITS ONLY

  

It’s only water

Its only fire

Its only love

Its only slaughter

We’re only liars

Its only blood 

They’re  only thoughts that

I’m  having safe within my head

You’re  only crying

You’re  only dying

We’re only dead

-ODESZA

How many times do we run from the things that make us uncomfortable? How many times do we act out of doubt? How many times do we act out of fear? 

How many times has someone told you it’s all in your head? How many times has someone told you how perfect you are? How many times must you tell yourself that you’re perfect until you believe it? 

I tell myself everyday. And I believe it some days and others not so much. Luckily I have an incredible group of people around me to remind me when I don’t see it. 

I don’t  mean perfect in a conceited I’ve never made a mistake type of way. But an everything is okay and we are becoming who we are going to be one perfect second at a time. That’s beauty no one can take away from you – so shine. You weren’t meant to look down as you walk. Hold your head high and say hello to the world. 
Would you believe me if I told you that I’m not even sure why I started blogging?? Sometimes I feel really vulnerable posting all the things that run through my head, others it feels empowering and liberating. Just documenting my life through a blog makes it feel so much longer than it actually is. I feel when I scroll back two days it seems as if it was a week ago. -Time is a funny thing. -Sometimes I come to my blog just to scroll through and imagine myself as someone else — what it would be like to see myself through different eyes. Your eyes- It’s so odd to just have part of myself so neatly put together on the Internet. I’m actually not even sure if I am put together. Sometimes I’m doing good to juggle all the balls I have for the day without dropping any, while other days I feel I can do backflips on an elephant. But my life looks different from my blogs point of view. Maybe that’s why I can’t put it down. I like the part of me that is tangible and well organized. Part of me secretly can’t wait to look back after a year to see how much has changed. I’ve always liked making timelines in my life. However all of this, the back and forth chatter of my mind and heart- is still perfect. I feel like a broken record , but I’ll tell you until you see it too.

 Life perfectly unfolding every second. Do you ever feel something tugging, you follow, but you’re not sure why? Learning to trust that whatever happens is because that’s what is best for you. No judgement, only acceptance, and a whole new world appears. Don’t hide from what makes you uncomfortable. Take your light into the dark. 

                        ITS ONLY LOVE 

IMAGINE

  

Tomorrowland is such a refreshing movie. Disney really places some good nuggets of inspiration and ideas in the minds of children without them knowing, most of the time.

In Tomorrowland the story of the two wolves is brought to stage.

There are two wolves that are always fighting. One is darkness and despair, the other is light and hope. 

Which one wins? 

The one you feed. 

Inhale, feed the right wolf, exhale, relax. 

Do the best you can everyday. Ignite the heart and rest the mind. 

This dreamer is not done with the world yet.

Are you?

                            LOVE and HOPE

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 To be alive is to love. To be alive means giving the day everything you’ve got. To live means to touch other people’s heart and to let them touch yours. If there is one thing a funeral can teach, it is to live your life wide open. So don’t let fear guide your actions. Don’t shy away from people or a situation. Embrace everything that life can bring and prepare for miracles- they happen every single day. 

Here’s to being alive right now . I am thankful for today – cheers to coffee, to donuts, to rescuing baby birds, to snuggling, to walking a dog, to breathing in fresh air, to loving life, to being open, to planning for miracles. 
                         LOVE and LIFE 

THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE 

  

Life, death, near death all things that have happened within the past week. Obviously death is never a welcomed friend. Our minds are in the process of thinking infinitely and wrapping the idea that we will never lay eyes on someone again makes the stomach turn. Death makes us contemplate our final moment. What will it be like? Then a wave of relief floods when we realize they may no longer be suffering. All energy that once was, still is. All is not lost. 

Near death is a blessing sometimes. It makes us realize how much a person or persons may mean to us, to help us see what we take for granted, to allow insight, and sometimes to even meet God. However it’s emotional enough to take us through what it would be like without a loved one evoking similar emotions we would experience if they had died. 

New life. Seeing a child that has only been in this world for an hour. With every breath so new and oxygen making its way into the lungs as almost for the first time over and over again. How wild it must be to enter the world out of our mothers womb, all the lights, all the objects pressing and pushing into you, and finally feeling the warmth of a kiss. Truly bringing feelings of joy and bliss to watch a new baby born. 

All of these things happening at once can make it hard to process life. I saw a quote not long ago that said stop resisting. 
I constantly have to remind myself to stop letting these emotions overwhelm me and to just enjoy the experience. What can I learn from this? How can I help others through this. In what ways am I resisting the things I am experiencing. 

Though sometimes emotions can be overwhelming, they stir the heart. Instead of resisting I am slowing down and using this time to reflect. To turn my eyes inward to learn about myself and about love. Spend time with anything that causes a disturbance in the mind or heart. 

Love is not fickle and knows no boundaries.   

               LOVE and LESS RESISTANCE